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  • Writer's picturePhil Kurut, Comedy - Cigars - Music


Updated: Dec 25, 2021






Hailing from the La Zona Factory in Estelí, the Padrino is beautifully constructed. The seams lay flat, nearly camouflaged, and the cap displays the same quality, which makes locating a good cutting point effortless. Straight and slightly angled on the cut for the curious readers in the group. The Padrino is a toothy one. Might bite me.

As far as the components go, I can never leave undisclosed components alone. The wrapper is all they give up, so the other ingredients are left to my imagination, which I’m willing to disclose. You’re welcome.

Putting it up to my nose, never in my nose, there is a boatload of barnyard…maybe a barnload. Anyway. Cherry faintly whispers to me, and some spice kicks me right in the back of my nose. Achoo. Bless me.

Earth, sweetness, coffee, and a slight toastiness start the journey. Excellent draw and smoke output. Earth, coffee, and leather hop out the retrohale, and the finish kicks in with some earth and sweetness.

As I travel further along, dried cherry and toastiness join forces with the earth, sweetness, and coffee just before they take over the first third. I dig that. Towards the end of the first third, milk and dark chocolate begin to discuss which of them might lead me into and through the second third.

The retrohale brings out earth and a dirty sweetness. Not nasty, dirty.

The finish leaves some leather and cherry, and a little spice hits the very back of the palate.

The draw is effortless but not loose, and the smoke output is good, but not a show-off. Show-offs. They never learn.

The burn is a step down from razor sharp, but it’s not gonna need my help right now.

Cherry, toastiness, and wood (undefined) dance together in the foot smoke. Pleasant.

Well, the milk and dark chocolate must have mutually agreed neither of them were fit to lead. They’re gone. Dried cherry and toast it is. Not complaining, but I’m disappointed the chocolates couldn’t come to some agreement. Bummer.

Cherry starts joining in the retrohale with earth and very mild coffee. He’s shy.

The finish is fairly subdued. A little sweetness, coffee, and leather. No movie stars here.

Several more draws into the second third, and, apparently, milk and dark chocolate decided to send in their buddy, cocoa. Okay, I’ll take it. He seems to be nice enough, although a little reserved and quick to get out of the way after cherry leads him in on the draws. Toastiness closes the door behind him. And, apparently, he locked the door at some point. The cocoa is already gone within just a few more puffs. We hardly knew ye. See you on the other side. That’s what tough guys say, right?

Currently, the Padrino is good. Just good. However, if it’s great at anything, that award goes to the draw, smoke output, and burn. Possibly leading role material in that realm.

Cherry refuses to give up the driver’s seat here in the final third, and he’s driving well enough I guess. He’s letting cream join from time to time. Not letting cream navigate, but he can probably fill up the gas tank at the next stop. Toast and earth are the buddies in the back seat just quietly humming along with the tune on the radio. As long as they’re not the choir friends most of us have had who have to showcase their singing any chance they get.

Milk chocolate must have double-crossed dark chocolate and cocoa because he keeps sticking his head in here in the final third. Well, for part of it. Make up your mind. In or out. You’ll let the flies in.

Dark chocolate decides to announce himself briefly towards the end of the final third. Good criminy, fellas. Work it out.

Blowing smoke out my nose brings a medium coffee, and I’ll be darned if cherry doesn’t make a cameo. We get it cherry, you’re an actor. Geesh. Everyone has or has had that one actor friend that always has to let people know he kind of got to act with an actual celebrity one time. “He was a really nice guy. Let me get his coffee for him a few times. Learned so much from him.” Sure.

Coffee is coming on a little harder in the finish than what the second third finishers did. He really wants the role. Not a stage actor, but he really wants to seal the deal in this new, upcoming series. Sit-com? Drama? Action? Maybe a new superhero show. If only someone would make just one more superhero show for me to get bored with halfway through the second season. Creaminess feels like he wants a larger role in the final third, but he’s never going to make it on the big screen if he doesn’t project. Oak speaks up. “Anybody wanna play charades? Oh my gosh, one time I was on the set of…” We know, we know.

And, the award goes to the draw, smoke output, and flawless burn. Excellent performers. Celebrities? Maybe.

Overall, the Padrino didn’t get the lead role, but he’ll probably be in a few episodes. Maybe somebody will get his coffee for him.

SMOKE TIME: 1 hr. 27 mins.

RATING: 2.5 / 4 - Showed up, said his lines, and went home.



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